


Folded Flag

by funheist



Category: Funhaus
Genre: M/M, Soldier AU, sorry - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-05
Updated: 2015-06-05
Packaged: 2018-04-02 22:57:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,466
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4076974
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/funheist/pseuds/funheist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It’s never been a secret that Adam’s been interested in joining the war effort since he was young. It was one of those things that his parents truly believed he would outgrow, but when he brought up boot camp training for the military, his parents knew that this was something he was meant to do. And they supported him through it. He just didn't account for the fact that when he signed up, he'd be dead to the world for three years, and would leave the love of his life behind.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Folded Flag

**Author's Note:**

> i'm probably gonna add a little part two to this? just tying up some loose ends, maybe introducing the other fh guys. it won't be for a while, though! shout out to cydney for helping me with this, you rock.

It’s never been a secret that Adam’s been interested in joining the war effort since he was young. He would run around with fake guns and pretend to bust in on “hostile situations”, while his parents looked on with a mix of amusement and worry. It was one of those things that they believed he would outgrow, but when he was making his college decisions and he brought up boot camp training for the military, his parents knew that this was something he was meant to do. And they supported him through it. 

That’s where James came in and delayed him. His original plan was to go as soon as he was able, that’s where he wanted to be, he wanted to do good for his country.  But James fit his way into Adam’s life and let him see that having a life at home was okay. He learned to love. To have someone to fight for.

In hindsight, how they met is pretty ridiculous. It wasn't some sappy, love-at-first-sight kind of thing. Adam actually thought James was completely ridiculous for a while—that didn't change with time, it just became cute. James was minding his own business, he later explained that he was in a rush, but not enough of a rush to eat while walking. Obviously. Adam watched in complete amusement as this hot, built guy inhaled a cinnamon bun in all but a few seconds. James didn't notice until he had already done it, it was already in his mouth and the guy staring at him and laughing is really hot what the hell? He nearly choked as he tried to figure out what to say and how to eat like a human, Adam had looked away for a few moments to smile down at his feet while waiting on line, enough time for James to formulate a very coherent and eloquent pick up line.

"Okay, so, I know you just watched me eat that in record time, and you're definitely not from Guinness World Records so it's even more weird. But I promise that I'm not that stupid all the time, and I'm actually in good shape? And you're hot, and I need to leave a better impression. Can I get your number?"

And if that were anyone else, Adam would walk away so fast. But James was smiling and rocking back on his heels as he talked, Adam tried not to focus too hard on how attractive this guy really was. Those blue eyes were easily his weakness. (James learned this later on, and started using his puppy dog eyes to get what he wanted.) So, naturally, he gave his number to Hot Cinnamon Bun Guy.

They texted for weeks, James took Adam out on some amazing first dates. They learned about each other, James learned that Adam was equally into video games and working out. James pretended to faint at the news, and had Adam crying from laughter. James understood the whole military thing, they talked for hours about what would happen if they were dating when Adam left and how their lives would go after that.

Adam kissed James on their fourth date, he pulled him in by the collar and kissed him after a snide remark about how he wasn't a hopeless romantic after all.

Two and a half years, and they form a life together. They moved in together a year after they started dating, into a small apartment with an okay view. It was their first adult purchase together, neither of them wanted to think of how it would feel with Adam gone. But Adam swore he wouldn’t go until they were completely settled in, and he’s a man of his word.

The week leading up to him leaving was easily one of the best weeks of their lives. No trying to cram all the stuff they may have missed into one week, just them going out and enjoying their time together. They wreaked havoc at Six Flags, they got yelled at by angry moms for making out in one of the teacups. Adam agreed to let James shave his head for him, he didn’t want some stranger doing it, and James didn’t stop feeling his head that night. Adam may have gotten a little teary-eyed when James tipped his head forward and pressed a kiss to the top of it.

All of the happy thoughts seemed to be sucked out the day Adam left. There were too many tears, too many whispered “I love you”s and “Stay safe”s. Riding to drop Adam off was the worst. The air was thick with tension, the occasional sniffle and the two holding hands tightly over the center console. Neither of them cared about the odd looks from other family members and spouses when Adam kissed James for the last time, pulling him by the collar and whispering “I'll come back safe. I promise,” when they pulled apart.

The worst part was, he had been trying to prepare himself for that day for a couple months. He still couldn’t keep it together.

Over the six months, communication is scattered. Adam tries to get in to talk to James more, he really does, but he takes what he can get. James always has his phone on him, and Skype open just in case. The letters are on the kitchen counter for him to read when he gets bored or he misses Adam, which happens pretty often. The bed feels too cold, the house isn’t as big of a mess as it was when it was the two of them. Adam’s PC only gets dusted, James will occasionally turn it on to check if it’s still functional.

He branches out to make more friends. He’s not a very social person as it is, thinking about Adam was only making him more antisocial. (He knows Adam would be upset about him moping around for most of his time, but it’s not James’s fault. Entirely.) It’s way past time to make a couple new friends. At the bar down the street, he meets Joel and Bruce. Well, he meets Bruce. Turns out Bruce is engaged to Joel, whose Jewish parents are “against him marrying goyim”--James has no clue what this means, but he goes with it--so it’s a very secretive engagement. Whatever. It’s cool to meet someone scarily similar to him. In the first few minutes of meeting, Bruce is a pile of wheezing laughter and James is holding his side from laughing so hard. He hasn’t laughed that hard in ages. And all over a stupid joke about the bartender.

The next six months go by a lot faster. Bruce comes over to the apartment often, plays video games with him and complains about James’s fixation with Psychonauts a couple times. Bruce doesn’t bring up the stash of Halo games in the corner of the game cabinet. He decides that that topic is left unspoken about. Bruce forces James out of the house more, takes him to coffee shops and various little things around the town. James still can’t believe that he was actually attending a poetry slam. He literally didn’t know they existed until Bruce called him and rushed in the explanation of what the hell it was. But Joel was performing, and it was really sweet to see Bruce cheering for his fiance and grinning at him the whole time, and James couldn’t say no to that. Bruce isn’t mad that James dismisses himself halfway through to take one of the rare phone calls from Adam, and doesn’t come back in when Adam has to hang up.

Movies are a favorite pastime of theirs. They’re curled up on the couch, eating (and throwing) popcorn and making sly digs at the acting or the visual effects of the movie. Bruce is impressed with James’s ability to fall asleep literally everywhere, and a couple times, he falls asleep on Bruce’s shoulder or with his head in his lap. Bruce smiles and sends pictures to Joel, just to get on his nerves.

Four o’clock on a Thursday has James minding his own business, flipping through TV channels with his head leaning on his hand. He nearly jumps out of his own skin when there’s a firm knock at his door, he curses under his breath and mutes the TV before hopping up.

He pulls open the door pretty eagerly, expecting Bruce or Joel, or maybe some delivery that he didn’t remember ordering while drunk. Instead, he’s met with two solemn looking men in military uniform, and his heart sinks. He looks over both of them, he knows what this is and he prays that this is just a wrong address. The short, scruffy one starts up first.

“Sorry to bother you. I’m Captain Matthew Peake of Company A, 2d Battalion, 184th Infantry Regiment, Visalia, California. Are you Mr. James Willems?”

A nod, James doesn’t think he can manage anymore. His throat feels tight, he also kind of wants to throw up. And they haven’t even said anything yet.

“I have an important message to deliver from the Secretary of the Army. May I come in, Mr. Willems?”

James barely processes and just steps aside to let the two men in, and he doesn’t like these uniforms. They’re too new. He wonders if these uniforms are specifically for these occasions, just to keep his mind off of the obvious news coming.

"The Secretary of the Army has asked me to inform you that your um, your partner has been reported Missing in Action in Afghanistan since the sixth of April. When we receive more information, you will be promptly notified.  The Secretary extends his deepest sympathy to you and your family during this trying time. 

But really, he stopped listening after the bit about Adam being gone. His blood is pounding in his ears and he stuffs his hands into his pockets to keep from visibly shaking. How can they just not know where his Adam was? What if he was dead? Taking a shaky breath, he nods in understanding and looks down at his feet.

There’s some more bullshit that James only half listens to, he feels completely numb as he thanks the officers and leads them out the door. Adam could be dead right now, and there’s nothing he could do about that. A shaking sob rips from his chest as he slides down onto the ground, shaking hands reaching for his phone and dialing Bruce. He just needs someone to talk to. Or someone to punch him in the face. Either one.

If he'd have known that Bruce was on a date, maybe he wouldn't have called.

“Bruce, I seriously hate your shorts, how are you wearing those to dinner? They’re _disgusting_ \- ” Joel is joking, hand in hand with Bruce as they walk down the street toward one of the many Mexican places for that night’s dinner. He cuts himself off when he sees Bruce on the phone, eyebrows knit together with worry.

“Okay, okay - slow down, I’ll be there in a few, just - breathe, buddy, okay?” Bruce is mumbling, pulling his hand from Joel’s to dig for the keys to their car, “I need you to breathe. That’s easy, right? I’ll be there in a few minutes.”

Bruce hangs up and Joel doesn’t need to ask by the look on Bruce’s face. He just nods, presses a kiss to his lips, and offers a small smile. “Go. It’s fine. We can do this some other time.”

“You’re the best,” Bruce breathes, kissing Joel again before jogging to their car.

He’s never driven faster in his life. He’s greeted by a puffy-eyed and tear-stained James, who is on the verge of a breakdown and shaking like all hell. Bruce spends his night comforting James, rubbing his back and arms, whispering reassurances into his ear and hoping that James calms down. He himself doesn’t believe half the stuff coming out of his mouth, but it’s believable enough for James to calm down and be reduced to shaky gasps for air.

The next few months, James tries not to think about the worst. Adam’s fine, he knows it, Adam’s strong and he promised he would never leave him. It’s the only thing that’s keeping his head above water. If he rearranged Adam’s stuff before, he doesn’t touch it now. It’s an odd feeling, to know that it’s possible to never see someone you love again. He doesn’t bother Bruce with his moping, they just hang out in other social situations. Joel occasionally brings over food and stays to eat with him. It’s quiet, and he hates sleeping in his own bed, but it’s the best he’s got. He constantly checks his phone for calls from Adam. Just in case.

The second knock that comes, he's even less prepared. He just woke up, sweats, glasses, and messy hair, and he's about to start making himself coffee when there's the too-familiar knocks. And he freezes dead in his tracks, can feel his heart drop into his stomach and he has to take a few steadying breaths before he goes to get the door. 

He's met with the familiar, solemn faces. Captain Peake, if he remembers correctly, is clean-shaven this time. The uniforms are still too new. They make James sick to his stomach. He knows that there's an introduction going on, but he's barely listening. He's more concerned with what comes next.

"The Secretary of the Army has asked me to express his deep regret that your partner was killed in action in Afghanistan on the fourteenth of September. The Secretary extends his deepest sympathy to you and your family in your tragic loss."

 

* * *

 

The fact that the picture in his front pocket was getting wrinkled and faded was really the only concern of Adam's. James had given it to him a while back, one of the ones he took on that cheesy Polaroid camera of his. It's just a stupid selfie, James kissing Adam's cheek and Adam mid-laugh, half out of the frame. But it was easily one of his favorites. Besides the fact that going out on the field was risking his life everyday, he was most concerned about the picture.

He had some other stuff stashed away, the letters from James, a notebook that he wrote in when inspiration struck, some other pictures of the two of them. He was glad he was doing what he was doing. Adam didn't consider military life to be comforting, not at all, but it was the small things that made it a little more bearable.

When he goes ahead to explore the town, he doesn't think too much about it. His other men are far behind, ready to follow up at Adam's word. True word doesn't come.

Adam's surrounded by six guys with guns, silently, and he knows better than to raise his own. Slowly, he puts his own guns down, takes out the grenades and the flash bangs and sets them down too. One man, covered completely, tells him to call the others and say that everything is clear, and to head back. He listens. And he knows he does the right thing, because they all lower their guns. There's a few moments where he feels as though he's in the clear. In hindsight, he should've known better. He doesn't remember if he yells as the back of his head is smacked in by the butt of a gun.

When he wakes up, it’s not by choice. He’s shaken awake by a rough hand on his jaw, he jolts and strains against the ties around his arms. Whatever weapons he still had on him, they’re definitely gone. And he’s not even in a chair, his legs are bound to a god damn stool. Given, the stool is tied down to poles in the corner of the room, but they couldn’t afford a normal chair? He’s pulled out of his thoughts by harsh-sounding yelling and guns cocking, and his heart rises into his throat. No way he’s going to die with some terrorists in a cheap ass stool. There’s no way.

“Why am I here?"

No response, just some muttering around the group of men surrounding him. Adam just wants to get out. Again, louder.

“ _Why_ am I _here?_ ”

“Shut up!” is his only reply, somewhere behind him, followed by the man in front of him providing the swift slap in the face. Adam flinches, but meets the man’s eyes.

"Why am I in this godforsaken chair?"

There's laughter, and he strains against the ties to no avail. This is it, this is how he dies. Tied to a fucking stool of all things.

Days blur together into one long nightmare. At least he was upgraded to a room. It's not very nice, but there's a toilet and the floor isn't too bad. Turns out they want to wring out all the information they can about positions and hideouts, about the men and if any of them are looking. When they ask how many men are out looking for Adam, he says he doesn't know, ten or so. Which is the complete truth, but they treat him to a nice beating after that one.

He doesn't really remember most of what happens to him. There's cuts and gashes on his body that he only vaguely remembers, the twenty hour days of him being forced to talk are exhausting, and he can only remember so much. There are days where they have to physically pick Adam up and throw him into his room. Those are the ones where they don't get any information out of him, they press his face into a bucket of water until he's shaking and forced to breathe in the water, he screams when he comes out of that. After they figure out that drowning is one of his worst fears, they save that for very special occasions.

There's two months where they don't do anything at all. Adam is always alert, listening for any of his men yelling, or the loud footsteps that signify he's about to get interrogated again, but it never comes. He puts his time into trying to get back into some kind of shape. He doesn't remember the last time he ate good food, but they're kind enough to feed him. He's too skinny and he knows that he's covered in healed up scars and fading bruises. But he'll take it.

After those months, they come in and strip Adam. They rip his dog tags off his neck and he doesn't know what they did with those. Provided to him are a pair of rags, basically. He yells when they take his uniform. The only thing holding him to who he was. He had tucked away James's picture in the room. It's faded and ripped and Adam doesn't even know how the blood got on there. He worries about James. James is the only thing getting him through this. When he gets back, maybe he'll propose.

Two years go by very slowly. The men holding him find out about James. They threaten to kill him. And somewhere in his mind, Adam knows that they don't actually have any information about him or any of his family. But Adam screams and sobs and gives up the location of the armory, begging for them to stay away from James. At least, he thinks that what it was. They seem happy with it, even happier when they come back with armfuls of guns. A month of "relaxing" was his reward for that. 

The picture of him and James is never taken.

More often, he's tied up. He's numb to the punishments, they're always the same. Burning him was a surprise, the men all laugh as Adam screams for mercy as flames licked up to his elbow. At least it wasn't his good arm, he thinks in his post-adrenaline stupor. They let that one heal fully, thankfully.

He's found in the early hours of the day. Doors burst open, gunfire and yelling rings out. Adam kicks and bangs on his door until his feet ache and his hands are bleeding. He doesn't care. He's getting out. Normally, he'd be embarrassed to cry into a stranger's chest. But he's safe. And the other soldier is just as glad to hug him back.

 

* * *

 

After two months of mourning and locking himself up in the apartment, Bruce forces James to go to a therapist. They both know that Adam wouldn't want him to sit around and mourn for the rest of his life, and Bruce hates seeing one of his closest friends so torn up. He himself can't imagine what James is going through, and James makes it a point to yell at him through tears that he has "no idea what this feels like", but Bruce wants him to be happy again. He recommends a very nice woman, he promises that James will be fine and it will help him. He's sure of it.  
  
The woman's name is Elyse. She immediately tells James to call her by her first name, which makes James feel a little bit better about this whole thing. She starts with the basics, how are you doing, how was your day today, etc. She's writing everything down, but James is focused on his hands. The dogtags around his neck feel heavy.  
  
"So, James, can you explain your relationship with Adam for me? Was it a healthy relationship?"  
  
James nods slowly and swallows the knot forming in his throat. He can do this, he has to. He tells her that yes, they rarely fought and everything usually worked out when they did. Adam was never wrong to him, Adam always surprised James with flowers or a date of some kind. He smiles a little when he talks about when Adam stole him away to Florida for a week. Elyse keeps writing.  
  
"How did you feel when Adam told you about his decision to pursue a military career?"  
  
"Scared," James says softly, and it surprises him that this is so easy for him. "Of course I was supportive, this is—was what he wanted to do. And I guess I didn't know how I felt at the time, he told me this on one of our earlier dates. But yeah. I was scared."  
  
James watches as she writes some more down on her clipboard. He wonders if there's actually anything important written there at all.  
  
"And what about the day he left? What did you feel then?"  
  
"I'm sorry, but is there a reason for this?" James asks defensively, meeting Elyse's eye. "Are these questions necessary?"  
  
"I'm just trying to get a better sense of your relationship, James," Elyse explains, she smiles and James looks away again. He immediately feels bad for snapping.  
  
"It wasn't fun. A lot of crying, we must've said that we loved each other a hundred times," James says on a sad chuckle, his voice cracks a little but he keeps going. "I told him to stay safe. He told me to take care of myself. Looks like neither of those happened."

He goes back almost every week, the questions never get easier to answer. Elyse learns to quickly stay away from certain topics, things like dates and kisses, or the dogtags hanging around his neck. She asked once about their first date, and James immediately shut her down. She noted that his hands shook when he talked about Adam in that light. 

“What was your reaction when you heard the news that Adam was dead?” 

James takes a deep, shaky breath, and fidgets with his fingers. It was about time he talked about it, anyway. “Um, it was early. I just woke up maybe ten minutes earlier than the CNOs showed up. And it had already happened once, so I wasn’t very hopeful for any better news--some part of me hoped that they were going to have Adam in tow. But I knew that wasn’t going to happen.” 

He takes a long pause to swallow thickly and wipe under his eyes, and he’s thankful that Elyse is as patient as she is. 

“I uh, I didn’t hear much of what they said a-after they told me he passed. I just stared, blank, at the CNOs until they had turned away and closed the door behind them. And I just...broke. I-I think I sat down, I don’t know if I fell or not. I remember being curled up behind the couch and just... _sobbing._ It was horrible. It was like someone pull-pulled my heart out of my chest and s-stomped on it in front of me.” 

Another pause, this one longer. James’s voice was wavering throughout the end of the story, he wipes his eyes hastily again. He hates crying in front of people. 

“I called Bruce and Joel when I calmed down enough - you know them, I know I’ve talked about them. They came over and stayed for a couple days. I couldn’t bring myself to get out of bed everyday, I didn’t eat and I barely slept well. Bruce had to force me to eat, Joel always made sure I wasn’t alone. They didn’t trust me alone, and I understand why. It--Adam wouldn’t have approved of the shit I pulled.” 

The sessions ends shortly after that, Elyse stands up with him and hugs him tightly. She’s much shorter than him, but he appreciates the sentiment. She also provides her number, “just in case you don’t want to get out of bed again. Depression is serious.” He’s not depressed, both of them know, but Elyse made it very clear that he can’t let himself slip into that mindset.

He doesn’t. The next years aren’t anything notable, there are some days that James gives in and stays in bed all day. He goes out and makes more friends, and he somehow befriends the IT guy that shows up to repair his PC. Lawrence very subtly flirts with him, but he lets him know that he’s not looking at the time. Lawrence understands, everything is fine. He shows up nearly as much as Bruce and Joel do.

Two years after Adam passes, Bruce and Joel finally settle on a wedding date. Late October, and Bruce doesn’t stop talking to James about the details. They’re slowly driving themselves insane with planning, but Bruce has a few things up his sleeve that he gushes to James about.

“Would it be wrong to convert before we get married? I want his parents to be happy for us, and Judaism is actually pretty cool. I’ve been reading into it. But is that wrong? James, think about how nice a Jewish wedding would be. You’d look cute in a yamaka.”

James thinks it’s adorable. He helps Joel with planning the smaller details and helps Bruce with his surprises, and it effectively gets his mind off of Adam for the first time in ages.

Mid-March has James lounging around his house, wearing one of Adam’s old oversized sweatshirts and balancing a plate of food, the remote, and a cup for himself as he goes to sit down on the couch. A typical night, really. 

Soft knocks on the door still manage to scare the shit out of him. Doesn’t everyone know that he prefers the buzzer at this point? He sighs and lowers the volume on the TV as he gets up, rubbing a hand over the side of his face and glancing around to make sure it’s presentable.

He expects Bruce or something, probably complaining about how Joel is impossible to surprise again. So he pulls open the door, ready to yell at the culprit, only to be met with someone in uniform, a bouquet of flowers covering their face.

Unless he's supposed to get gifts from the CNOs, he has no idea what's happening.

"Um, excuse me? I think you've got the wrong place."

"Unless you've got a twin that you didn't tell me about, I don't think so."

Adam moves the bouquet from his face and grins, and James has to take a step back in disbelief. No, he died, why would they lie to him about that? Would they lie to him about that? His heart is pounding hard, he thinks that he's gotten to the point of hallucinations.

"James—" Adam starts, but James cuts him off.

"You died. They told me you died."

Adam's smile falls and he looks down at himself, down at his hands with a short sigh. James still doesn't like how new those uniforms look. "It was a mistake. They found my tags and just. Assumed that I had died."

James is furious. He knows that it's probably not Adam's fault, and it's definitely unreasonable to be mad, but he is. "So you expect to just waltz back in here and apologize? I mourned you! I thought you were gone for almost three years, Adam! You were dead longer than I've even known you, do you understand how difficult it's been for me?"

His voice cracks at the end, and he doesn't know at what point he started crying. He flings himself forward and wraps his arms around Adam's neck, hands gripping onto the back of his jacket like his life depended on it. His life did depend on it. The bouquet is quickly tossed aside, Adam doesn't care too much for them. He cares more about the man sobbing in his arms, holding him close to himself and blinking back tears.

"I hate you, I hate you, I hate you," James sobs into Adam's neck, accentuating each phrase with a slap to his back. Adam tucks his nose into James's hair and sighs, tries not to think about how this must've been on James, too.

Adam pulls back to kiss James gently, and he remembers just why he didn't give up and tell them everything. That he left the one he loves behind to fight, and he made a promise to come back that he certainly wasn't going to go back on.

James sighs a little into the kiss and moves his arms to cup his cheeks, pressing Adam impossibly closer. And he smiles.

"I never want to see that uniform again. Please, change?" James mumbles when they pull apart, and Adam lets out a watery laugh.

"Of course."

Walking into James’s - _their_ bedroom shouldn’t be as weird as it is. It’s neat. Way neater than Adam remembers it being; it was always a mess of clothes and papers, sometimes glasses and plates littered around the small room, the bed was never made. But it looked as though it hadn’t been touched in ages, the bed was made, the floor was clean. Adam’s side didn’t even look like it was touched. It was clean, sure, but it didn’t feel like their room anymore. Adam makes note to ask James about it as he goes to get dressed, saddened more that none of his clothes have been tossed either. He half expected James to have moved on completely, maybe even moved out of this apartment.

Adam settles on the couch once finished, and James is quick to crawl into his lap and cuddle into his chest. It was an odd feeling, definitely, to have someone back after so long of absolutely nothing.

“What happened?” James asks to break the comfortable silence, looking up at Adam. He’s had enough time to calm down and collect himself, enough to notice certain scars that he definitely doesn’t remember being there before.

And Adam starts going through it all, from where he lost communication with James and was captured, all the way through the day before he was able to come back home. There are tears shed by both of them, James stays silent throughout and lets Adam just talk. It would be soothing if it weren’t for all the horrible things Adam had to go through, all of the pain and torture he went through just to make it home to him. James lets out a soft sob when Adam mentions that stupid picture they took, how he still has it, how it got him through so much.

“I love you so much,” James says, voice rough from misuse, as he shifts in Adam’s lap to straddle and face him.

Adam smiles that perfect smile and brings a hand up to grab the dog tags around his neck, flipping them over a couple times before dropping his hand. He thinks that the ring burning a hole in his uniform pocket can wait a little while. They’ve got a lot of catching up to do, he knows that, he has to make up for all the time lost.

“I love you too.”

 

 


End file.
